You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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