1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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