I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
