I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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