Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
only if we run a train.
done.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize