Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
