I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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