there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
