So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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