either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
