My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
