You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
