My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
