If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
