i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
