discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Boobs speak an international language.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
