The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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