you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
