so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
