Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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