doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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