I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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