It's Friday. Sex?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
