capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize