I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
