the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize