That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
