My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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