I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
