No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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