Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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