I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
