one two three fourrrrnication!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
