Just fell off a train. Bad.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You are the jesus of drinking
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
