if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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