I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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