I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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