Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize