Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize