But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
