My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
