how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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