Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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