so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
