You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
