Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize