Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
