I got chris browned last night
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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