Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
