Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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